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I recently heard someone say, “We can no longer agree to disagree”. Does this mean that we now have to become disagreeable to each other? I’m not sure. Or are we just not going to talk about the issue we disagree on? For the sake of relationship, something must be decided or worked out, correct?
Personal opinions dressed up with facts, figures and polls does not mean someone is “more right” that someone else. It just means that people know how to use numbers to their advantage. And watching the current political scene, anyone can dress up numbers. In an age where the truth is relative to the language used and those hearing, it’s tough to find a place of agreement.
I would like to say that John Wesley, the founder of the Methodist movement, had a phase that applies to moments of stark disagreement, but as far as I know, he did not. If he did though, it would probably look something like this:
“In essentials, unity; in non-essentials, liberty; and in all things, charity.”
I might say it this way:
In essentials, clarity, in non-essentials, charity.
I often feel like an essentialist, focusing on a few things and leaving the rest up to those with stronger opinions or louder voices. The current political views in this country seem to be split 40/60 or 55/45 or whatever other configuration pollsters can put together. I assume (and hope) the church would reflect the same diverse views, instead of standing in a silo away from that of those far from Jesus, yet embedded in the culture.
I truly believe we can value diversity, provide a place at the table for all and still have civil, well mannered and lively conversation. Sadly, as my friend stated, there are some who are ready to be disagreeable. They might take shelter under the banner of justice, righteousness or whichever moniker people might choose today. That does not devalue the view, but sadly, relationships can be harmed.
Strident divisive discourse does little for the Body of Christ. I often turn to Ephesians for advice on how to proceed in unsure waters.
“So Christ himself gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and teachers, to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.” Ephesians 4:11-13
None of us are perfect. We are still striving for unity. We are still building. Whether at home, work or school, remember to value the relationship over opinions. It’s better to be in right relationship than to be right. And just because you disagree with someone, no matter how dearly you hold those views, does not mean you need to be disagreeable. Try listening first and you might find more in common with others than originally perceived.
Think of the last time you had a disagreement with someone. Friend? Spouse? Family? How was the relationships damaged or repaired? It’s tough to put aside differences, especially when there are hard dividing lines between each other. Don’t be so quick to judge those with different views than you. Conversation matters. It’s up to each and every one of us to choose what we truly care about, and hopefully, we can make a healthy and holy decision.
There is no way I could continue to serve at Grace without some mercy and love showered upon me by the massive amount of Tiger fans. Your candor is deeply appreciated, as is your silence during football season. We can agree to disagree, because we both think we are right! As long it does not move to assumptions of righteousness, then we are all good.
So, I choose to value the relationship. I value conversation. I value the language shared. All are invited to the table, none should ever be turned away. That does not mean we are perfect, on the contrary, it means we are not. As a busy season readies, seek wisdom and counsel in the God who shines unconditional love on the righteous and unrighteous.
Go in peace and go with God.
